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114、梦境 Liewa ...
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Lieward今早又出现在了羊圈。
常斐然看着他完全说不出话来。距离上次见他应该还没几天吧，他却已经叫他认不出了——Lieward不仅骨瘦如柴，脸上、身上还有很多明显的伤痕。
常斐然连发生了什么都不想再问了。
常斐然：“You gotta leave, now! I know a way out, nobody will find out. Follow me.（你必须离开，现在！我知道怎么逃走，没有人会发现的。跟我来。）”
说完，他放下手里的家伙就要带着Lieward走。
Lieward没动。
Lieward：“I don't want to leave. I just want to talk to you.（我不想要离开。我只是想跟你聊聊天。）”
常斐然：“You can't just f*cking talk to me! Talking can't do nothing. You gotta leave, get out of here, as far as possible, do you understand? You are dying, you are seriously dying in my face.（你不能只是跟我聊聊！聊聊救不了你。你必须离开、离开这里，越远越好，明白吗？你快要死了，真的，我是认真的，我不能就这样看着你一点儿一点儿在我的眼前死去。）”
Lieward：“I know.（我知道。）”
常斐然：“You don't know! If you know, you'll be at who knows where! Not here! Not this place! Not with her! Did she come with you today? （你知道个屁啊！如果你知道，你早就在谁知道什么地方了，而不是在这里！不是跟她在一起！她今天跟你来了吗？）”
Lieward：“No, she's not here. I’m by myself.（没有，她不在这儿。我自己来的。）”
常斐然：“So you can come and go freely? Oh My Good Lord! Don't f*cking tell me you can leave this whole time and you just didn't.（所以你其实来去自如？你他妈逗我呢？别告诉我你其实一直可以离开但是你就是选择不。）”
Lieward有些惭愧地、腼腆地笑了一下。
常斐然觉得自己快要晕了，快要被Lieward气晕了。他真是哀其不幸，怒其不争。
自作孽，不可活。
常斐然：“Staying for what? Just for your belief? You are dying!（留在这儿为了什么？就为了你的信仰吗？你都快死了！）”
Lieward：“I'm not scared of death. Death is just a pathway guiding me to the ultimate beauty and peace. All I’m trying to do now is atone for more while I'm alive, that's the true and only meaning of life.（我不怕死。死亡只是一个月光能够照进来的通道，把我引向最终的美丽和平静。现在我需要做的就是趁自己还活着，尽量为自己更多的赎罪，这是生命的唯一真理和意义。）”
常斐然无言以对。他甚至感到一阵心酸。他知道他救不了他了，谁也救不了他，他已经病入膏肓了。
他把Lieward带到一片他刚收拾过的干净的空场，两人席地而坐，肩并肩。也许他现在唯一能做的，也就只是和他聊聊天或是听他说说话了。
Lieward：“Death is looming. I can feel it.（死亡已经临近了，我能感觉得到。）”
他微笑着扭过头，用空洞的眼睛望着常斐然。
常斐然的表情不自觉地变得很狰狞，就像他的心为了Lieward的境遇而绞在一起一样。
Lieward：“My life, up to this very moment, has been what I would call a good one. My parents were honest, hardworking people and my family life was easy and simple. Growing up, I never suffered any real hardship. Everything was fine, but mundane in a sense, too. And perhaps because of that, I always felt a sense of emptiness—until I came across Silver Orb. My life was just transformed. I felt I had finally found my purpose in this world. I was meant to be a believer, a martyr if I can live to its fullest. What do you think, if I die in such a sacred marriage, would I be counted as a martyr? （我这一生，直到现在我都觉得很不错。我的家庭生活很单纯，父母也都是诚实、勤劳的人。从小到大，我没受过苦也没受过累，一切都很平和却也很平凡。可能因为这个原因，我总是觉得有些空洞——直到我来到明玉轮。我的生活完全变成了另一个样子。那一刻，我觉得我找到了来到这个世界的使命。我应该是一个信徒，最好的结果是作为一个殉道者，让我死得其所。你说，如果我死在这样一场神圣婚姻中，我能不能成为一个殉道者？）”
还没等常斐然回答-
Lieward：“Either way, this chapter of my life has been meaningful. My loyalty to Moonlord, to Silver Orb, and to the marriage is abiding. Every agony my body recognizes as pain, I have embraced with joy and appreciation. My soul has been baptized and fulfilled, and it has never been this pure.（无论能不能算作，我都认为我这段时光过得十分有意义。我自始至终忠贞不渝，无论是对月主、对明玉轮，还是对这场婚姻。所有我身体认知为苦的事我都甘之如饴。我的灵魂因为这些皮肉之痛而得到充实和洗礼。我从未感觉自己的精神如纯净。）”
常斐然：“Come on, don't say that. You are not dying, I was just trying to make a point. It's an exaggeration, you are not really dying. You are young, probably younger than me. You have a long way to go. Don’t rush to look back and conclude.（别这么说。我说你快要死了只是一种夸张说法。你这么年轻，估计你比我都要年轻，你还且有得活呢。别着急回顾作总结。）”
Lieward：“I had two dreams yesterday. One of them was about Lia. She seemed worried in it, like there's a heavy weight on her heart, a weight concocted of fear and concerns. Can you tell her the next time you see her that there's nothing to worry about? We are blessed, and we are protected here. And if one day I die, I’ll look out for her, so she’ll never need to worry about anything.（昨天我做了两个梦。其中一个是关于Lia的。她在梦里看起来很担心，就好像有一个沉重的负担压在她的心头，一个由恐惧和担忧组成的负担。下次你见到她的时候能不能告诉她不要担心。我们是受到保佑的、是受到庇护的。而且如果哪一天我死了，我会保护她的。这样她就永远不用担心任何事了。）”
他顿了顿，好像是犹豫了一下该不该将下一句说出口。
Lieward：“I don't know if I get to see her again.（我不知道我还能不能再见到她。）”
常斐然：“You can, of course you can. She came here all the time. Just drop by whenever you want. You should come over more often. Who knows? Maybe you’ll catch her one of these times.（当然能了，别瞎说了。她来得还挺勤的，你就常来就行了。你就常来找我，没准儿哪次就碰上她了。）”
Lieward：“You are such a good person. I will look out for you too when I go up there. （你真是个好人。我到了上面也会助你一臂之力的。）”
他仰头看了看天。
常斐然：“Just... don't overthink.（哎，你别一天到晚瞎想了就行了。）”
Lieward：“Another one was about myself. I dreamed that I went to a very bright place—so bright that it was turning white. It's picturesque tho. There were beautiful flowers and tall trees reaching up infinitely. I was sitting under a tree, reading a book. Everything was so peaceful. I think this is what the Moon Palace looks like—it is a state of mind filled with freedom. I could go anywhere, but I chose to be there.（我昨晚还做了一个梦。这个梦是关于我自己的。我梦见自己到了一个非常的明亮的地方，明亮到发白。那里的景致就像是画上的一样。有鲜艳明媚的花，有通天成荫的树。我坐在树下正在看书。一切都是那么宁静。我想这就是仙境的样子，是一种自由的心境。我可以去到任何我想要去到的地方，但是我选择坐在树下。）”
常斐然突然松了一口气。他还以为Lieward是梦到了什么恐怖的画面因而觉得自己快要死了。
常斐然：“This is a beautiful dream. It's a sign that your life will be the same.（这是一个很美丽的梦。这预示着你的生活也会是一样的。）”
